I feel like I’ve been on a retreat lately, things have come together in a unique way in my life that are just making me realize DANG, I have it SO GOOD. I think I have shyed away from sharing my happiness in the past because I don’t want to make other people feel bad, but lately I am unashamed to say I Love My Life. (I feel like that girl on youtube giving herself affirmations in the mirror.)
This all started last weekend when I was driving to Big Sur by myself. I had rented a car which had no iPod dock and therefore I brought an old case of CDs from about 10 years ago to listen to. Something about that music helped me connect to my 19-year-old self … I don’t think I’ve really changed dramatically, but everything in my life now is about other people, and back then it was all about me. I pretty much just dinked around, doing craft projects, discovering new music at Border’s Books, working on my art history degree, going to the beach, going to church, etc. Listening to that music helped me rekindle a relationship with my soul. And the fact that I was going into the woods for a wedding with so many of my closest friends, I was actually retreating away from my normal life and focusing on pure love. And, I hadn’t seen my husband in a week, so to have a special rendezvous with him and share the magic was extra special.
Even though I reminisced over my 19-year-old days, the whole weekend made me realize how I am probably having the greatest years of my life right now. I have the most darling, loving little girl, a strong and adoring husband, and a great community of friends in a truly vibrant city. I just want to acknowledge it so that one day when I look back I don’t say I didn’t know how good I had it.
A few months ago a dear friend’s mom passed away and it really it home for me. She was a close confidant and always gave Josh and me the best advice. A couple of weeks ago I realized, you know, Pam Brown probably knows where my wedding ring is. She must have access to that kind of information in the afterlife, and I’m going to ask her to help me find it! She knows how much my ring means to me, so it felt really cool being able to ask her for help! During her funeral, her sister Irene told me that she kept seeing images of Pam when she was younger, around my age, and saying that those were Pam’s happiest, most purely “Pam” days. And today it hit me – Pam is trying to tell me that it doesn’t matter where my lost wedding ring is. She has shown me all the beauty and love that I am surrounded by which matters a zillion times more than the ring! All the diamonds and gold in the world mean diddly next to the ring of love that surrounds me.
So many things in the universe have lined up in the past week, from the rental car, to the sacred wedding in the woods, to having some quiet time while Josh is out of town, to Pam’s recent passing. I’m just overflowing with love and gratitude and unashamed to share it. THIS IS IT, PEOPLE!!! This is it.